A food so good it'll kill you, and you will love it.

Let me tell you a tale of the most ludicrous, indulgent, “Murican” food you have never heard of. Why haven’t you heard of it? Because I freaking invented it!

***Warning if you are offended by eating meat, I don’t care***

What is this food? Gentlefolk of the internet let me tell you about the “Bacon Burger Dog”. The bacon burger dog is a magical food item that came to me on a summer’s day whilst I was in the depths of unemployment. I was told to prepare a meal and when I opened the fridge a revelation was given to me, light seemed to come from the meet drawer. I opened this glowing plastic drawer of treasured protein and before me arrayed in what sure was divine order were three of the most American meat products on the face of the great blue marble. There they were, ground beef, all beef hot dogs, and the ever important peppered bacon, what other meats so completely define summer for a fat, white, American kid?

I was still faced with the conundrum, what do I do with these ingredients? Do I make burgers and hotdogs and then add bacon to them? NO! That would be too much work, and I am a lazy bastard. Instead I wrapped that glorious tube of assorted unnamed beef parts in a layer of ground 85% lean assorted beef part.  I looked at this mass of colon injuring deliciousness and decided it wasn’t complete, it needed pig belly. I took a single strip of cured, seasoned, thin cut pig and I wound it delicately around the amalgam of beef, and I saw that it was good. This was not the end of the questions my culinary adventure poised, how does one prepare a volatile concoction of fatty goodness? What does one serve with this divinely inspire colonoscopy to be? Why would one do this to their unsuspecting arteries? I don’t have the answer to that last one, maybe I just want to die young.

I settled on baking, I baked my early death for thirty minutes at three hundred and fifty degrees. While the bacon and beef outside browned and crisped I came to a firm and decisive decision about what should be served alongside this divine amalgam.  From the fridge I retrieved bell peppers, onions, mushrooms, and cheese; from the pantry I fetched hoagie rolls. I combined the peppers, onions, and mushrooms in a sauté pan with butter and brought them to that perfect sautéed texture, a bit of salt and pepper and they were done. As I finished the preparation of the veggies the timer dinged and the Bacon Burger Dogs came out and the buns, freshly stuffed with cheese, went in for ten minutes.

When the elements of this meal came together I swear I heard the Valkyre host sing, I felt the approving gaze of the thunderer, I knew that this could satiate even Fenrir.

So what are you waiting for? Go, eat and be merry!